from my journal:
Last Thurs. 10/18… before Mark and I went to see Unkle I hopped from one Barnes and Noble to the next and it was like the past. That moment of darkness when fall has finally fallen thick and dense and dead. Tonight it is familiar too.
Then I was at work then various B&N, sky shadowed and heavy and I knew that the B&N on Union Square was the place to be (even if it didn’t have the books I wanted) because the light as so bright. Elsewhere, light seemed to have a film in front of it making it dusty muffling and sepia toned.[a sketch of this]
The right Barnes & Noble. The Place to Be.And now tonight I’m at a coffee shop on A (before I go to Guerrilla Lit – I hope to be terrified). It is very dark dim. Just the tiniest chandelier candle lights above and candles on the tables. I sit alone – far back – black coffee – candle – RWC3: The Church in the Roman Empire – Village Voice – pencil. Spoon. The place is dark wood and orange Christmas light for Halloween. And it’s gray and gimy and rain and moldering outside. Christ. I feel besieged like always, but now I feel it most strongly.
[two sketches, one of the room, one of my table and its accoutrements]
There is a tradition in all this. More than I will remember but at the front of it: the Hamlet reading at UT in the 3floor Theater directed by SMH where Judd was the Prince of rotten Denmark. Sometimes (rarely) at St. Thomas the Apostle. Then also at listening to Poison (a bit) by Laurie Anderson. The UT moment was potent. Another potent: Jr. High Drama Club. And the Nintendo Power rendering of FFII (so the beginning of 7th grade. So Drama Club. I do believe that it has to do with October/November… and also lots of umbral dark pitch black dark and beaten wood.
In 7th grade, Auditions at the Gym.
[sketch of this]
black ceiling
blue mesh net ->
volleyball ->
practicing ->
watching ->
auditioning ->
watching ->
black floorOverheard here: “…and my body is deteriorating…” “no focus” “no focus” “only think, like, that I can initially connect to.”
Two related things – strong for NYC. (I think) – have to figure out. It’s dense. Hard.
1. from Cricket/ghoststories (clock, etc.)
[sketch of the below]
sewar grate
far overheadThis was the prison in NYC where a demihuman antediluvian was kept and he was so old that his emotions had all eroded and dissolved away. He was also deeply ambivalent about his captivity seemed a cathedral w. the grate cover above working like stained glass.
(Also: Watership Down)2. from Flint: “The Flushing/Eastside. Bizarre.
3. from NYC? Or Europe? Out of time. More later.
Quick Schematic.
[sketch of this]
Neoclassical official
bldg.s and maybe a brick tenement or two
Italian-style
Romanesque.
Medici. Ominous.
Cold/Forbitting town square where the ghosts whistle by
Statue of
Death as a
Beautiful
WomanDarby O’Gill and the Little People.
To Guerrilla Lit.